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Don't mess
with the bull.
JOIN!!!
Halftone Wonders
But there was a companion love affair that did not begin until later, that with commercial art. At first, I must have despised it! I found it fortunate that in this particular comic book, all of the pages with ads, had ads on both sides. In fact, when I poked my finger between the pages at the binding, I found that was true for the entire sheet. I could rip out every single ad, besides the covers, of course, without removing any of the story...so I did it!
Shortly, I began buying comic books on my own. I never saw another one with the ads arranged in that way. It didn't bother me too much; I just flipped right past them. But slowly, I discovered that the ads were actually interesting. You see, on the allowance I got, I wasn't exactly buying out the full stock of the funnybook shop. So I read the hell out of every comic I got. The next one I can actually recall getting was Spider-Man 350. I still have that, too. I remember re-reading it in my room, on the school bus, in the car on the way to the beach. I must have read that comic book dozens of times. (Somehow it's still in pretty good shape, too.) After a while, I began paying attention to who the artists and writers were. Reading the indicia. Scrutinizing the ink work. Reading the letters pages multiple times. And, finally, I deigned to pay attention to the ads. A lot of them were for other comics and merchandise, anyway.
There were also toys, video games, junk food, and all the things that made being a kid totally awesome. Looking beyond the products into the craft of the ads themselves, I saw some really beautiful works. Wild promises, impossibilities, cheap plastic junk; yes. But also entertaining, especially after reading the comic book story of that particular defeat of Red Skull for the umpteenth time. The hand drawn pictures, the verbose, lead-you-on text, and the tactility resulting from cheap paper and ink are magic in my mind.
Grit was a mainstay for many years, as was Olympic Sales Club.
Because You Were BROKE!
I rarely bought anything out of these ads. I was no salesman, so Grit didn't seem like a good prospect. While I had a couple of bags of toy soldiers from the town toy shop, I lacked interest in complex dioramas that would make a complete kit necessary.
No blue soldiers were allowed to fight in the toy chest campaign of 1906
And somehow, I never really believed that sea monkeys were "always clowning around" or could be trained to any degree.
Witness the delightful world of humanoid brine shrimp bourgeoisie
But I did mail order...novelties! Gum that snaps your finger, a camera that squirts water, things of that nature. The first ad I bought from had sixteen tiny pictures, hand-drawn in thick lines, offering each item for 88 cents apiece. The package arrived in the mail 6-8 weeks later and included my rather less-than-convincing gags, and a full catalog of the company's product line, a 2 by 6 inch yellow newsprint booklet of perhaps a dozen pages. You bet I ordered more.
The novelty companies placed so many ads that they had to constantly tweak them. Look at two ads from the same company in the same time period and you will see many products repeated but rearranged. And each ad would direct you to order from a different department, so they could track which ads generated the most sales.
Detail from two different Fun Factory ads. Department D-1007, or department G-1004. Now we use website cookies and referral links.
Detail from a Fun Factory ad
Detail from a Johnson Smith ad
They had all kinds of gags. And they were so entertaining to read! I would just imagine all the trouble I could get into and all the neat stuff I could do. Exploding gum, joy buzzers, fake puke, snakes-in-a-can, assorted noisemakers, hypnocoins, too many cool gags to count. The one that sticks out most in my mind is x-ray glasses, aka x-ray specs/vision/gogs.
AN HILARIOUS OPTICAL ILLUSION Scientific optical principal really works.
Two, count 'em, TWO, authentic colors such as green and black*
*Authenticity Of Colors Not Guaranteed. Void Where Prohibited.
I also ordered the Mile High Comics catalog and ordered many, many books from them. The catalog was absolutely engrossing and I spent hours with my nose in it. A hundred pages of tiny, tiny print, listing titles, numbers, condition, and prices, with a 1-inch picture every third or fourth page. It is unfortunately no longer produced, but the company is still in business. I have placed orders through their website, but it's not nearly as much fun as the catalog was.
Jack Davis, most known (to me anyway) as a longtime artist at Mad Magazine, took advertising jobs on the side.
What a world of wonder was contained in those pages. And so I raise my glass to the smudgy ink, the cheap paper, and especially to the copy writers and the artists, occasionally including big names, like Joe Kubert and Jack Davis, who sought to grab my attention away from Spider-Man, if for only a moment. Thanks for joining me!
shakin steak Posted on Mar 30, 2017 at 04:39 AM
Ha Vaporman funny I was the same way. I totally ignored the ads on the first readthrough and many subsequent, but as my options were limited they eventually got my attention. You have kids, how would this stuff play today? And what, if anything, do they think of ads on their iDroids and social medias or whatever they like to look at nowadays?
Vaporman87 Posted on Mar 29, 2017 at 02:59 AM
I could literally spend hours perusing those ads, but only after I had completed reading the comic. I don't know if I ever sent in for anything though. Sending thing through the mail seemed like an iffy proposition to me in my youth. I never quite understood the process, and whether or not it was reliable. I did manage to sign myself up for a comic subscription or two that way though.
shakin steak Posted on Mar 26, 2017 at 06:31 AM
Hoju Koolander! Thanks for reply. I know what you mean about giving up dreams... there was a song in grade school chorus that was really inspirational. I tried to realistically figure out how I could get enough money to accomplish my dream of obtaining enough money ($90) to buy a Gameboy... I gave up on that pretty quick, lol
shakin steak Posted on Mar 26, 2017 at 06:24 AM
Hey NLogan, no kidding! I wonder what one of those $1.00 Marvel membership cards would go for on eBay now. A lot more than a buck, I bet!
jkatz -- I'm sure they did that for legal reasons.
As far as the new-old stock...probably long dispersed by now, if there even was much made and unsold in the first place. I don't guess there was a lot, but I could be wrong.
Hoju Koolander Posted on Mar 22, 2017 at 02:08 AM
To answer your question, I totally mailed away for my Olympic sales kit and managed one sale of Christmas cards to my friend's Mom before giving up my dreams of earning enough points for a rock tumbler.
I also ordered some novelty pranks like Rattlesnake Eggs and the mouse trap chewing gum pack. I used to love the Things You Never Knew Existed and Can't Possibly Live Without catalog as well.
During the 90s comic book boom Mile High opened a location in Anaheim, CA that was massive. I loved going through that store and even got some "Collectors Item" comics from an in store auction.
jkatz Posted on Mar 21, 2017 at 04:51 PM
Look at how all the x-ray goggles listings make sure to use words like "apparently"and "seemingly". Is it just recycled copy, or are they trying to protect themselves from a false advertising lawsuit?
Great article btw! I wonder what happened to all the junk that they never ended up selling-is it still in a warehouse somewhere in Jersey?
NLogan Posted on Mar 21, 2017 at 02:45 PM
I never bought anything from the ads but I read them all. Monster door posters, gags, etc all looked pretty cool. I just never thought it would be worth it. Now I wish I had.
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