I was born in 1986...and I curse my sweet mother everyday for it.

I came into this world on the tail end of arguably the greatest time period for boys in recorded history. Toys reached an unprecedented level of detail and complexity. Movies were larger than life, full of adventure and danger. Video games were bringing us into new worlds. But even with all those diversions, one group still held a boy's attention over all the others. The almighty action figure




To me, dolls...AHEM, action figures were simply the most fun. Movies were cool, but I couldn't make Luke Skywalker lob off C3PO's head. Super Mario was fun, just forget about stepping to the side of an incoming Goomba. With action figures you could do anything you wanted. Their fates were in your grubby Cheetos stained hands. I grew up in the 90s for the most part, however being in a rather poor family my first toys were all 80s hand me downs from my older brothers. They were in such a dilapidated state by the time I got them that literally nothing was fully intact. Heck, until recently I thought MOTU was a specialty line of toys for juvenile amputees!


Sometimes it seemed that adults always drew a fine line between action figures and....dolls. I remember my mom had got me one of those new age GI Joes' that were Barbie Doll sized and had removable clothing. When my dad saw me playing with a pant-less Duke, he passed a kidney stone so large we use it as a coffee table to this day. Looking back I can see where he was coming from. Why on earth does a boy need to accesorize a GI Joe? That's some commie propaganda if I ever heard it!


Even though in elementary school action figures were somewhat taboo. Kids didn't want to seem like they were into "baby stuff" when you know they all had the latest TMNT variant variant variant (Emphasis on the variant....) I remember one day walking at recess and saw these kids huddled in a corner crouched over something. Normally I would have avoided such situations, and mentally processed this as a stranger danger scenario. However, I had to see what was up. I must have caught them off guard as they were a little spooked when I walked over. But lo and behold, there was a fantastic pile of figures between them. Spiderman, Robocop, various X Men, you name it. That spot was later consecrated as a childhood mecca by yours truly with a sacrifice of spilled capri sun. I soon found out they would gather once a week and show off their toys. Eager to join in I waited till the next week and gained immediate acceptance with an exhibition of my Terminator T800 and acid shooting Joker.





I had a lot of great times with my toys. From having water battles in the bath, to huge room melees where I would simply dump my whole collection on the floor and just start duking it out. Sadly, as time went on my collection dwindled. From damage, and my parents most likely selling or donating some when I wasn't looking. It's a strange memory, but one I want to leave you with.



I distinctly remember the last action figure I ever got from my parents. I was in a drug store with my mom. I saw this amazing looking Batman figure, he was a special suited Batman, amazing details and serious looking weapons. I asked my mom if I could get it, she said yeah and I threw it in the cart without a second thought. At the checkout though, I saw some other kids behind us in line. My mom was unloading her groceries onto the check stand, and when she took Batman out and I saw him moving across the conveyor belt, I felt embarrassed. it felt like a defining moment in my life to that point. Something I could never go back to. Life was waiting for me and I had to move on. It was sad and I'll always miss those days. I'm an adult now though, and I can do whatever I damn well please. I managed to save what was left of my old toys, and through patience and perseverance I am slowly amassing back my army of soldiers...