I'm on
the naughty
list.
Flannel Cornucopia

CONTEST WINNER!

VHS Odyssey

OFFICIAL

Click HERE to register.


 Forgot your info?
Remember me

Don't mess
with the bull.
JOIN!!!
1 COMMENTS
RETRORATING: 6
FAVORITED 1 TIMES
Official Article

1991 New Years Resolutions

Whenever December 31st rolls around we start thinking about our mistakes of the past year and what we're going to do better during the next 365 days. In an attempt to delay any actual progress for myself in 2016, I decided to travel back 25 years and interview myself on New Years Eve of 1990 to find out what my 8 year old self had planned for the year 1991. Here's what I had to say:

Stop littering, because Captain Planet said so.

Write a letter to Tiffani Amber-Thiessen to tell her how hot she is and ask for an autographed photo.

Get a pair of Reebok Pumps because without them I am a social pariah.

Let the hair in the back of my head grow out into a rat tail and cut the rest really short like the New Kids On the Block.

Beat Contra without using the Konami code.

Learn how to do Long Division. (OK, maybe not)

Finally earn that autographed picture of Chuck Norris from my Karate Instructor.

Get a Bart Simpson t-shirt, that show is so funny.

Drink as much Barq’s Root Beer as possible.

Say NO to drugs.

Read at least 10 of The Babysitter’s Club books.

Memorize all the lyrics to The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song.

Learn how to Roller Blade.

Memorize at least one “Yo’ Mama” joke, so I can get back at the guys on the playground.

Start using V05 in my hair so girls will notice how stylish I am.

See the movie Hook at least 5 times in theaters.

Tell my Dad it’s time to stop calling me “Smurf”, because I am a now a man.

If I can’t convince a girl to go out with me, at least annoy her enough so she punches me and consider that physical contact a sign of romantic interest.

Wow, I had a lot ambition in my pre-double digit years. I can say I accomplished about 50% of this list in one short year, which is a pretty good percentage, if you ask me. Well, HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all, hopefully we can learn from the past and make this an awesome year of growth and change, Or you know, keep talking about our favorite discontinued snack foods from 20 years ago. Whatever works for you.

So what were some of your life goals as a kid? Did you achieve any of them?

Digg Share
Looking for more from Hoju Koolander?
READ 90411 TIMES
Close

Vaporman87 Posted on Jan 05, 2016 at 11:38 PM

I can only say that, of all these resolutions, only the Reebok Pumps and defeating Contra without the infamous code would have been on my list. Even so, this great!

My Trip to Wizard World Chicago 2016

A couple of weeks ago, I attended my third Wizard World show, and there was enough retro related stuff there that I thought it would make a good artic...

The Origin Story of a Superhero Addict

I consider myself to be a superhero addict. Any movie or television series that features one or more superheroes fighting crime is going to appeal to ...

Christmas with Superman

One of the annual Christmas traditions that my mom and I have is to watch the three Christmas episodes of the show Lois and Clark: The New Adventures ...

Failed 90's Video Game Console Wars

Video game enthusiasts know that the main event of the “Console Wars” in the 80’s and 90’s was fought between Nintendo and Sega. Insults were ...

The First Snowman I Ever Built

One of my favorite things about Christmas when I was a kid, besides getting presents, was watching the Christmas specials that aired every year. Rudol...