The holidays are upon us and as happens every year classic characters like Rudolph, Frosty and Phroomf are coming out of the woodwork to get their slice of the fame pie. No, my cat didn’t walk across the keyboard, I 100% intended to string the letters P-H-R-O-O-M and F together in order to spark a Christmas memory for you. Did it work? No, it’s not the sound that Santa makes when he lands at the bottom of our chimneys, it’s the name of his tiniest and most forgotten elf. He even has his own theme song, just click here to listen. Still nothing, huh? Well, then let me introduce you to one of the most unique and sadly forgotten Christmas tales of the past 50 years.

I first became aware of Phroomf in 1986 when commercials started airing on TV advertising the book and tape combo. What may strike you as odd is that the pitchman advertising this Christmas tale in what appears to the locker room of Major League Baseball’s Anaheim Angels. I suppose Angels do play an integral part of the Nativity story, but veteran catcher Bob Boone bears very little resemblance to any iconic figure from Christmas lore that I’ve ever seen. He’s not even wearing a Santa hat! According the Bob, Phroomf (or “frumf” as he calls him) could be found in our local malls or department stores, but apparently not in great supply, as copies of this book go for $40 to $70 on the secondary market these days.

It wasn’t just the book either, there was a plush doll complete with knapsack to tie around your knee, which I will shortly explain. The fact that a California baseball player is shilling for this attempt to dethrone the The Elf On The Shelf, makes me think that Phroomf might have been a regional campaign for the Southern California market. But if any of this is starting to ring a bell, please let me know in the comments. You can watch the full commercial for yourself at the 25min 49 sec mark of this 80's retro-commercial megamix by just clicking here. So how did I become aware of this oddly named creature? Well…

I don’t believe I owned the doll, but I definitely had the storybook and cassette in my possession around age 4 or 5, most likely purchased to keep me quiet on a trip to JC Penney or Mervyn’s. I distinctly remember sitting in the car listening to the song while my Mom ran an errand at the bank (don’t judge her too harshly, I begged to be left in the car with the radio on throughout my childhood). What struck me most about this little guy was his outfit, he is obviously some kind of super hero with his blue cape, red spandex unitard and yellow gloves. If Phroomf had been your standard curly-shoed elf with striped tights, I never would have given him a second glance, no matter how catchy that song is. So what is Phroomf exactly? I’ve held you in suspense long enough, let’s dive into the story.

As the story begins a star explodes with a “thunderous BOOM” and a strangely attired pixie pops through the resulting rift in time and space with a “rumbling ZOOM”! Pretty exciting start, huh? As he hurtles down into the upper atmosphere of the Earth, the sun and moon are sad to realize he’s probably going to die on impact. Luckily the little guy lands in a snow bank at the North Pole and is rescued by Santa Claus with some elves in tow. Despite how ominous the 2 bottom pages look side by side, Santa and his crew have no intention of boiling Phroomf into a delicious pixie stew, their just warming the little guy up with some delicious broth.

Phroomf then reveals he is an alien from the planet Fifinfafal (again, not a typo) which is located next to a star, so it may actually be a pocket universe of some sort. Anyhoo, Phroomf tells Santa he is worried about being stepped on or kicked like a ball since he is “just 8 inches high”. Not that the Elves are that much bigger than Phroomf, but given the immediate favor the lil’ critter has with the man in red, he might suspect some jealous retaliation. So what is the obvious solution? Why attach the little guy to Santa’s knee of course!

You see, as Phroomf was falling to the Earth, Santa took a very Home Alone style spill down the front steps and ripped a hole in his pants near the knee. Personally I suspect foul play by the redhead elf, who may have been the inheritor of the Claus estate should Kris Kringle pass away, but that’s besides the point. Santa decides to sew a pouch in the spot and carry Phroomf with him everywhere he goes. Not only does he get a free ride, the portable pixie is tasked with maintaining Santa’s recipients list for his annual Christmas gift delivery marathon. That’s a pretty big promotion for an interdimensional imp that just showed up 5 minutes ago, but since Santa’s biggest talent is judging the character of the world’s inhabitants, I guess we can trust his decision.

So now we have a better understanding of why Bob Boone suggested we attach a stuffed animal to our knees at the end of his commercial. With the wear and tear MLB players put on their bodies you might have thought it was just a festive ice pack, but no, Bob is simply following the trend set by Santa in a storybook that very few people ever read. I can only assume that the 80’s hair metal trend of tying a bandana just above the knee of your jeans was Phroomf inspired. I think it’s also worth mentioning that there was obviously a miscommunication with the factory that produced the dolls, since that thing is much larger than 8 inches high. That or Bob Boone was more tied to Christmas than I thought, being the first elf to play in the major leagues.

I’m so glad I was able to share the legend of Phroomf with you this Christmas. I really find it to be one of the most fun and fresh stories for the holiday season, adding some cool sci-fi elements to the Santa Claus mythos. I don’t know why it didn’t catch on, unless people rebelled against the blatant attempt to manufacture a Christmas icon. But the copyright on the book gives a year of 1954, so the character/song has been around almost as long as Frosty, The Snowman who was created in 1950 for a song sung by Gene Autry. The Story of Phroomf even came with sheet music so you could sing the song by the fire after finishing a chorus of Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer, so what gives? Who was suppressing Phroomf for 30 years? I smell a Christmas Conspiracy!

Phroomf is definitely worthy of your Christmas love, so I invite you to buy the book on eBay if you can afford a copy or check out a digital version from openlibrary.org this holiday season. It will become a cherished tradition for years to come.