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The Perfect Saturday Morning
It’s Saturday morning in 1989 and the world couldn’t look
brighter, despite the fact that the sun isn’t even up yet. It doesn’t matter, with
my parents still in the bed the TV is mine to command, so I wander into the
living room wearing my Batman PJs and turn on the tube. I love the high-pitched
whine that accompanies the click of the dial as the television images slowly
fade into view. It’s almost as if the boxy wood-paneled machine is waking up
too. Let the adventure begin.
6:30am
As I turn the larger dial below to flip through the channels I realize that it’s so early, the exciting Saturday Morning Cartoons I look forward to every week aren’t even on yet. Oh well, I guess I’ll have to settle for old black and white re-runs of The Little Rascals and The 3 Stooges.
They’re not as cool as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but Alfalfa and Curly really do get me chuckling with their silliness. “I’m the barber of Seviiiiiile” SMACK, tomato in the face. Poor Alfalfa. Maybe this is where Fozzy Bear on Muppet Babies got the idea for being pelted by squishy, red vegetables.
7am
Well, while I’m waiting for the good cartoons to start I
might as well get myself something to eat. Today breakfast is a special event
because I managed to convince my Mom to let me buy Cap’n Crunch cereal, “just
this one time”. I’ve been seeing the Cap’n Crunch commercials for years while
suffering through a bowl of Cheerios, so it’s time to see what all the fuss is
about. I mean, the guy teamed-up with Spider-Man in comic book ads to fight The
Sogmaster, so this must be a sugar cereal worth fighting for. Here it goes.
Ugh, this stuff is kind of bland. I mean, I can taste the
sugar and they weren’t lying about the crunch part, but this is not what I
thought it would be. OW! These innocent looking crispy nuggets have little
jagged edges on them, I think I just cut the roof of my mouth. Mom was right,
this sugar cereal is bad for you. I better not tell her though or I may never
find out what Lucky Charms taste like. Well, back to channel surfing.
8am
Awesome, A Pup Named Scooby-Doo is on ABC! It’s like they
knew I already liked regular Scooby-Doo and then shrunk everybody down to my
size. Great job, Hanna-Barbera. I like this show a lot more than Flintstone
Kids, Shaggy and Scooby are way cooler than Fred and Barney. But I do like Flintstone
Vitamins quite a bit, so I guess those guys from Bedrock are OK.
Let me just flip over and see what’s on CBS. Yes, Muppet
Babies! As much as I enjoy Scooby, my heart belongs to Gonzo and the gang. It's technically for little kids, but they have been entertaining me for all these
years. Alright, it’s the episode where they find out about family trees and
Rowlf tells the story of his ancestor, Rowlfgang Amadogus Mozart. “Play it for
us Rowlfgang Amadogus, play it for us Rowlfgang, Ow-ow-a-woooooo!” They always have the best songs.
9:30am
Oh commercial time, let’s see what new toys are coming out now. Ghostbusters figures! I can’t wait for my Mom to take me to see the new movie in theaters this summer. Wait, are they fighting Dracula? Frankenstein? Those aren’t from the cartoon, those are just the boring old monster movie guys. They must be running low on ideas. Boooring.
Beach Blast Barbie? As much as I would never
own one of these, Barbie commercials are always fun to watch and that Barbie ice cream
maker toy looks awesome. They really need to make one of those for He-Man, so I can feel
OK about buying it.
10am
Now my Mom is doing laundry. She wants to know why I am
eating Cheerios again instead of the Cap’n Crunch I begged her for. I tell her
I’m saving it for a special occasion. Oh, a commercial for Super Golden Crisp,
that’s the one I should have chosen. Cap’n Crunch is an old man, of course he doesn’t
know what kids like to eat. Now Sugar Bear is one cool dude and I
bet his cereal tastes awesome. Oh well, let me check out what’s on NBC today. Wait,
what’s this? Captain N: The Game Master...no way, it’s a Nintendo cartoon!
So cool. He wears a controller for a belt buckle and uses
the Zapper gun from Duck Hunt as a real weapon. This is awesome, but why is
Mega Man green and not blue? More importantly, why is the guy from Castlevania wearing Han Solo’s winter
coat from The Empire Strikes Back? Doesn't matter, it's video games! I can’t believe I get to
watch the Super Mario Bros Super Show after school on weekdays and now this
awesome adventure on Saturday mornings. Nintendo is the best.
I better flip back to ABC to make sure I’m not missing
anything. No, it’s just the end of Slimer and the Real Ghostbusters. This show is
for babies now since they made Slimer the star. They changed the animation
style to look more cartoony and the action is like Looney Tunes. Speaking of
which, it looks like the The Bugs Bunny and Tweety Show is starting. Why do they
even show these cartoons anymore, nobody wants to watch this stuff.
11am
Oh yeah, it’s Hey Vern, It’s Ernest. This show is so weird
and I love it. Know whuttimean? Look Ernest is telling jokes with an adult head
on a baby body. Now we’re going inside his mouth and his tongue is talking to
us before getting splatted with gross food. Hahaha! Now Ernest is getting a
crazy haircut. Why does he keep going to that barber? There is something so
weird about Ernest’s Auntie Nelda, with that thing around her neck, but she’s
still funny for some reason.
Now Lonnie Don is showing us how to make weird noises with
our mouths in his School of Hollywood Sound Effects. This show moves so fast,
it’s hard to keep up sometimes. It’s time for another episode of “My Father,
the Clown”, somebody’s gonna get pied or seltzered, I just know it. Pee-Wee’s
Playhouse is fine, but there is nothing wackier than Ernest on TV right now. I hear
he’s gonna go on that new ride called Splash Mountain at Disneyland soon and
they’re gonna show it on TV. That will be cool.
Noon
Oh no, everything is switching over to sports or live action
movies based on books like Mouse on A Motorcyle. Why does this always happen?
Every Saturday is the same, I get 4 hours of awesome cartoons and then they
kill it with golf. GOLF! The most non kid-friendly sport of all. Wide World of
Sports? Unless their talking Roller Derby or Pro Wrestling, there is absolutely
nothing I want to see here.
Oh well, I guess it’s time to get dressed and ride my bike.
I’m pretty good at jumping curbs now and maybe that kid down the street who has
The Legend of Zelda gold cartridge will let me come over to his house and play
it. If not, at least I can get to look at his Nintendo Power magazines.
Man, why can’t every day be like Saturday morning?
OldSchool80s Posted on Feb 25, 2016 at 01:45 PM
Fun stuff, especially the cereal. I would've have definitely included Pee-Wee's Playhouse on my schedule. I kept Bugs Bunny in my rotation all the way through, so whatever version probably Bugs
Vaporman87 Posted on Feb 19, 2016 at 07:41 PM
I would definitely consider this to be a perfect Saturday morning as a kid. With the exception of cutting my mouth on Cap'n Crunch cereal. I'd ditch that for some Golden Grahams or Cookie Crisp. Great read, Hoju!
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