Two dollars.
Cash.
Forum » Chew The Fat » The Comedy Thread
Mr Magic
Know a funny joke or story? Post it here, please.



Quote Disable Sigs


"HEYYYYYY, KIDS!!! IT'S TIME FOR BINKY THE CLOWN!!! WAKE YOUR NEIGHBORS!!!"

   
shakin steak
A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.

The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"

The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I have."

The bartender says, "What do you have?"

The guy says, "75 cents."
Quote Disable Sigs
Vaporman87
Nice one, shakin.

Here's some regional humor...

Two guys, one from Ohio, and one from West Virginia, jump out of an airplane wearing parachutes.

The Ohioan realizes how close to the ground they are getting, and pulls his chute. The West Virginian does not.

The Ohio calls out to the West Virginian, "Hey! Better pull your chute, buddy!"

The West Virginian replies, "Not just yet."

Some hundreds of feet pass, and the Ohioan once again yells, "Hey! Pull your chute man!"

The West Virginian replies, "Not yet."

Only 8 feet from the ground, the Ohioan yells, "You're going to die!"

The West Virginian replies, "Why? I've jumped from this height lots of times!"
Quote Disable Sigs
You love this signature.
Mr Magic
A lawyer was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife
was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're
beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him
say that so she stayed by his side.

A couple of minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're
cute!" Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of "beautiful,"
it was "cute." She asked, "What happened to 'beautiful'?" His reply was
"The drugs are wearing off!" 
Quote Disable Sigs
"HEYYYYYY, KIDS!!! IT'S TIME FOR BINKY THE CLOWN!!! WAKE YOUR NEIGHBORS!!!"

NLogan
Knock knock. Who's there? Panther.  Panther who? Panths er no panths I'm going Thswimmin'!

This joke brought to you by my 5 year old told to me years ago with a lisp and laughing before the punchline.  He is now 9 years old. 
Quote Disable Sigs
Vaporman87
NLogan wrote :

Knock knock. Who's there? Panther.  Panther who? Panths er no panths I'm going Thswimmin'!

This joke brought to you by my 5 year old told to me years ago with a lisp and laughing before the punchline.  He is now 9 years old. 
-end quote
Ha! That's awesome.

My daughter made this one up a couple years ago...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it smelled like hotdogs.

Yup.

Quote Disable Sigs
You love this signature.
Mr Magic
Mother: "Come on, Victor, you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for school."

Victor: "Mom, do I have to? All the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me, too."

Mother: "Yes, you do."

Victor: "Give me one good reason."

Mother: "Because you're 34 years old, and you're the principal."
Quote Disable Sigs
"HEYYYYYY, KIDS!!! IT'S TIME FOR BINKY THE CLOWN!!! WAKE YOUR NEIGHBORS!!!"