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Official Article

1991 New Years Resolutions

Whenever December 31st rolls around we start thinking about our mistakes of the past year and what we're going to do better during the next 365 days. In an attempt to delay any actual progress for myself in 2016, I decided to travel back 25 years and interview myself on New Years Eve of 1990 to find out what my 8 year old self had planned for the year 1991. Here's what I had to say:

Stop littering, because Captain Planet said so.

Write a letter to Tiffani Amber-Thiessen to tell her how hot she is and ask for an autographed photo.

Get a pair of Reebok Pumps because without them I am a social pariah.

Let the hair in the back of my head grow out into a rat tail and cut the rest really short like the New Kids On the Block.

Beat Contra without using the Konami code.

Learn how to do Long Division. (OK, maybe not)

Finally earn that autographed picture of Chuck Norris from my Karate Instructor.

Get a Bart Simpson t-shirt, that show is so funny.

Drink as much Barq’s Root Beer as possible.

Say NO to drugs.

Read at least 10 of The Babysitter’s Club books.

Memorize all the lyrics to The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song.

Learn how to Roller Blade.

Memorize at least one “Yo’ Mama” joke, so I can get back at the guys on the playground.

Start using V05 in my hair so girls will notice how stylish I am.

See the movie Hook at least 5 times in theaters.

Tell my Dad it’s time to stop calling me “Smurf”, because I am a now a man.

If I can’t convince a girl to go out with me, at least annoy her enough so she punches me and consider that physical contact a sign of romantic interest.

Wow, I had a lot ambition in my pre-double digit years. I can say I accomplished about 50% of this list in one short year, which is a pretty good percentage, if you ask me. Well, HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all, hopefully we can learn from the past and make this an awesome year of growth and change, Or you know, keep talking about our favorite discontinued snack foods from 20 years ago. Whatever works for you.

So what were some of your life goals as a kid? Did you achieve any of them?

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Vaporman87 Posted on Jan 05, 2016 at 11:38 PM

I can only say that, of all these resolutions, only the Reebok Pumps and defeating Contra without the infamous code would have been on my list. Even so, this great!

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