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Rad Retro Valentines
No day was filled with more dread than Valentines Day for
elementary school boys. Girls still had cooties, but in order to score some
candy, you had to play the game. Actually from kindergarten to 4th
grade, it was just about being considered cool enough to receive a Valentine
card from anybody. But as we got older, there was always that special someone
in class we hoped would drop a colorful piece of flimsy card stock into our construction paper mailbox.
For me the most exciting part of Valentine’s Day was going to the
grocery store to choose the coolest motif for your card. There were dozens of
choices featuring all sorts of characters and themes. Your choice of
Valentine’s Day card could say a lot about you, so today I’d like to take you
down memory lane to look at the Rad Retro Valentine’s Day Cards and who the
givers were.
Garfield was pretty much omnipresent in the late 80s. That
lazy, orange cat was on everything from cartoons to Trapper Keeper folders to
fruit snacks and that included Valentine’s Day greetings. The kids who gave
these out were usually freckle-faced and sweet with several pet cats at home.
Garfield was pretty gender neutral in terms of playground politics, girls or
boys could give these out without fearing any type of taunts at recess. That
being said, there wasn’t anything super exciting about getting one of these
cards either. They were basically the vanilla ice cream with sprinkles of the
holiday.
If you were tossin’ out Super Mario Bros. themed
Valentine’s Day cards, you were definitely getting a reaction from the receiver.
Everybody was on "Team Nintendo" before Sega Genesis drew the line in the sand,
but the kids who boldly declared their allegiance in these early days were
definitely already popular. It was as if they wanted to stay on top and new
that the easiest way to please was having Mario spread the love. The Super
Mario Bros. 3 card with the mustachioed plumber in his Raccoon suit is by far
the winner here. It’s the kind of card that even though it wasn’t a sticker,
you would still proudly glue it into your sticker book and show off.
Popples were basically punk rock contortionist Care Bears
with the ability to be tucked into a pouch and become a colorful ball of fur.
They had a fairly short run in toy aisles, but did manage to get their own show
on Saturday mornings. Then again, what toy didn’t have its own cartoon in the
80’s? These would be kind of an obscure choice and the girls (definitely girls)
who chose these were usually the artistic, space-cadet types. You know, the
ones who sported finger nails painted with colored markers and too many charms
on their bracelets? These were the kind of Valentine’s you appreciated for
breaking up the monotony of another Garfield card, but didn’t really have any
connection to.
Michael Jordan was a marketing machine in the early 90s, so
I’m not surprised that he showed up Valentine’s Day cards with boxes modeled
after Wheaties cereal. Hey, his red jersey and pink tongue were perfectly in
sync with the color scheme of February 14th. Still, it always seemed
weird getting something sports themed on a day that was supposed to be all
lovey-dovey, especially when Air Jordan is being featured in front of a 4th
of July fireworks display. Kind of kills the romance. These were usually delivered by
the testosterone filled tough guys who ruled the handball and basketball courts
at recess. They definitely wanted to “Be Like Mike”.
Including a piece of candy with your Valentine was as surefire
way to be praised and instantly forgotten. On the one hand, attaching a little
box of Nerds to your heart shaped gift instantly made you everybody’s best
friend. But just as soon as those sweet treats were in our possession, we
totally forgot where they even came from. A sad reality of 7 year old sugar
junkies, they are anything but loyal. It was usually the rich kids who managed
to impress us with their generous donation to the cause. Other varieties of
candy Valentine’s included the traditional box of chalky message hearts, but I
always preferred the Sweet Tarts brand for that extra kick of sour flavor. You
might also get a heart shaped lollipop with a poorly printed, “Be Mine” on the
front, but I feel like those usually came from the teacher.
The fact that Ren and Stimpy even had Valentine’s cards is
amazing to me. They were like the “kid-friendly” version of Beavis and
Butt-Head that your parents didn’t approve of, but let you watch anyway
because it was on Nickelodeon. These messages were definitely toned down from their
usual antics featuring crusty lint, butt-cheeks and acts of violence, making
them seem more appropriate for mass consumption. There’s no doubt that it was
the hyper-active, back-talking, troublemaker who passed these things around.
You know the guy, he was the one whose parent’s packed a can of Coke in his
school lunch and let him play with fireworks unsupervised. Still there was a
giddy little thrill in getting these “dangerous” valentines.
Troll dolls were inescapable to schoolchildren of the 80s and
90s whether as miniature pencil toppers or key-chains hanging from backpacks. Those
neon colored tufts of hair were a part of the visual landscape of the classroom.
The cool thing about putting Trolls on cards was that they always photographed
them in a fun scenario like skateboarding or listening to a Walkman. The fact
that it was an actual picture of a toy you could own added a whole new
dimension. This style of Valentine was distributed by the smarty-pants girls
who always wore dresses and headbands to school. You just knew they had dozens
of Troll dolls neatly arranged on a shelf in their room next to plastic horses.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles brought a party atmosphere to
the Valentine’s Day festivities. Always in motion with a permanent smile on their
faces, it was instant excitement when you pulled one of these out your mailbox.
Plus everybody had a favorite, so there was always the idea of, “I hope I get a
Raphael one. Oh man, SPLINTER? You’re breaking my heart”. Honestly quoting
Michelangelo from the first movie, “I love being a turtllle!” may have been the
first time any boy dared to utter the word L-O-V-E, so it makes sense to have
them be a part of the annual celebration of the institution. The bringer of
such bodacious fun was usually the kid who took his karate classes a little too
seriously, but never used his skills for evil.
As I close out this article I want to throw out some random
runner-ups like these Captain Planet and The Planeteers Valentine’s, which I
never saw in stores, but would totally have given out. That green mulleted do-gooder
was always one step removed from being anybody’s favorite character, but still
widely known enough to satisfy my need to be unique. And then there’s Nicktoons
stalwart Doug. Since many of the episodes dealt with Doug’s will they/won’t
they with Patty Mayonnaise, I think he would have been a great ambassador for
the holiday.
So what were some of your favorite Valentine’s to give out
back in the day? Did you ever receive one of these?
Vaporman87 Posted on Feb 15, 2016 at 06:28 PM
Really, my design was more about LOOKING better than the others. Maybe getting a little more creative with the materials. Not just boxes with stickers or drawings on it.
Hoju Koolander Posted on Feb 15, 2016 at 03:36 PM
@Vaporman87 I am imagining multiple puzzle based locks and mechanics in your Valentine receptical.
@pikachulover Yeah, Tiny Toons and Animaniacs were definitely big for everybody back then.
pikachulover Posted on Feb 14, 2016 at 10:08 AM
I definitely remember getting a few Ninja Turtles ones. I also got California Raisins, Berenstain Bears, Nerds and Garfield. When I first went to school I used to give really girly Valentines like Care Bears and Minnie Mouse. Then I moved onto ones for boys and girls like Chipmunks, Tiny Toons, Animaniacs and Rugrats. I liked getting sports themed Valentines they were something different. I remember getting NFL ones.
Vaporman87 Posted on Feb 14, 2016 at 02:19 AM
I'm pretty sure I received several Smurfs cards. They were pretty popular in the early 80's, when I was in elementary school. Sometimes Star Wars would make it into the mix too.
For me, making my "receiving box" was the highlight. I always did my best to deck that thing out and outdo the others. LOL
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