never be
forgotten.
![Yesterdays 1: Foods Long Gone](/images/articleIcons/thumb/178_Yesterdays_1:__Foods.png)
RETRORATING: 12
![5 Fads of the 90's](/images/articleIcons/thumb/706_5_Fads_of_the_90's.png)
OFFICIAL
![vkimo's Christmas Special](/images/articleIcons/thumb/301_vkimo's_Christmas_Sp.png)
CONTEST WINNER!
- HOME
- YOUTUBE
- ARTICLES
- VIDEOS
- THEATER
- CLASSIFIEDS
- VHS COVERS
- CEREAL BOXES
- GAME BOX ART
- READ ALONGS
- PODCASTS
- FORUM
- FAQ
- POINTS STORE
Don't mess
with the bull.
JOIN!!!
![Official Article Official Article](/images/official_stamp.png)
7 Weirdest Hook Movie Action Figures
The family adventure film Hook from 1991 was a favorite for
many 90’s kids thanks in large part to the great performances of Robin
Williams, Dustin Hoffman, Julia Roberts and direction by Steven Spielberg. With
a colorful cast of child actors playing the Lost Boys and numerous pirate
battles, it would be hard not to like the film. I personally saw it 3 times in
theaters and loved it more with each watching. The story of a grown-up Peter
Pan returning to Neverland after his children are kidnapped by his old rival, Captain
Hook was just too enjoyable for a one and done viewing.
Like most summer movies Hook had quite a bit of marketing
behind it, such as comic book ads, video games, trading cards and most
importantly, a toy line by Kenner. But this was no ordinary collection of
action figures, the toy engineers made some interesting choices in attempting
to bring the big screen fun to our hot little hands, so let's explore the 7 Weirdest Hook Movie Action Figures.
Off the bat I should say that none of the Peter Pan figures
look like Robin Williams. This is something that bothered me about the 2 (yes,
2) Peter Pan figures I owned as a kid. I think Kenner knew there was no
resemblance to the actor (or simply didn't have the likeness rights), so they just started cramming action features in to distract us. That’s how we ended up with these 3 Peter Pan
figures below, which are the very meaning of ridiculous.
Food Fighting Peter Pan
You remember the scene where Peter and the Lost Boys chomp
at the air pretending to eat their favorite foods, but end up throwing
multicolored paste at each other instead? It was your favorite part of the
movie, right? So of course you wanted a toy of a guy wearing a poo-colored
sweat suit, covered in glop with pots and pans for accessories. At least Kenner
sweetened the deal by providing a turkey and pumpkin missile launching bazooka for
the guy to wield, but this is the kind of toy kids get beaten up for showing
off on the playground.
Learn To Fly Peter Pan
In this case I commend Kenner for taking inspiration
directly from the film. But why focus on this 10 second scene of a shirtless middle
aged man with a smiley face painted on his chest being launched by a giant
sling shot? I can’t see any parent feeling comfortable buying this guy for
their child and I question the sanity of the kids that asked for it. Kenner’s
package art of Peter’s ripped physique is totally misleading and the head
sculpt on this guy looks more like Sylvester Stallone than Mork from Ork. Now
that would have been an interesting casting choice. Peter Pan grew up to be
Rambo? I’m in!
Battle Swing Peter Pan
This final version of Peter Pan in battle armor mode is a
bulky nightmare. Not only does he never wear this outfit (seemingly made of hot
dog buns) during the film, but in this alternate reality deleted scene scenario, he obviously
stole Thud Butt’s armor, leaving the chubby Lost Boy open to attack. Also, pay
attention to his weapons. Kenner has outfitted Peter with some kind of fishbone
weed-whacker blade and what I believe to be a baby crocodile bound by ropes.
Yes, let’s promote animal cruelty and child endangerment with our toys. At
least they gave us chance to even the score with this next figure.
Attack Croc
Yep, it’s the crocodile. What’s that? There was no crocodile
in Hook except for a giant stuffed corpse gagged with a clock face? Who cares! Yes,
this fearsome creature is a part of the mythology, but generic, plastic
crocodile toys are available from the local drug store for far less than $4.99,
which really devalues this monster. Attack Croc is really the kind of toy that
should have come in a 2-pack with the Smee figure to sweeten the deal. Because
nobody ever asked for a Bob Hoskins toy that wasn’t Eddie Valiant or Mario. Smee
was to the Hook toy line, what Bob the Goon was to the 1989 Batman movie Toy
Biz figures. Now on to our star.
Tall Terror Captain Hook
At first glance this may look like a pretty accurate, nicely
detailed Captain Hook action figure. What snarky observation could I possibly
come up with to make it worthy of this list? How about extending legs! I don’t
know if this was a not-so-subtle swipe at Dustin Hoffman’s diminutive size or
inspired by a lost deleted scene, but as action features go this was a
confusing cop-out. Yes, the figure is now taller, but why? Oh, luckily they
printed it on the box, “He Grows Taller For Battle”. THANK YOU, Kenner, I
thought you were just losing your minds. You know with an action feature like
that and a major custom sculpt he could make a pretty good Griff Tannen from
Back to the Future Part 2.
Skull Armor Captain Hook
This is it folks, the end of the line. This is the official
jump the shark (jump the croc?) moment for the Hook toy line. Yes, they decided
to give the Captain battle armor. Not only that, he is essentially transforming
into his own pirate ship. It’s like the pirate equivalent of football pads with
a golden skull and shoulder mounted cannons. Obviously this much hardware would
be too much for an “Old Codfish” to carry, but there he stands. On a side note,
don’t those cannons look like blue fire hydrants the way they are set in the
package?
So that’s it, the 7 Weirdest Hook Movie Action Figures. We never
did get a sequel to this movie, that would no doubt have inspired more off the wall toys. I mean,
Thud Butt was even given the sword at the end of the film to carry on the legacy, the thing
practically writes itself. Well the overactive imaginations of the podcasting
crew at SequelQuest couldn’t help but come up with our own ideas for how this
film series could continue. So click here to listen to our Hook sequel episode, find
us on iTunes or visit the Podcasts section here on Retro-Daze to get in on the
continuing adventures in Neverland.
So tell me, were you a fan of Hook? Did you ever own any of
these figures? How much play did they get?
![Close Close](/images/close_button.png)
Hoju Koolander Posted on Dec 21, 2016 at 04:29 PM
Correction by the author: I incorrectly identified Kenner as the manufacturer of this toy line, when in fact is was produced by Mattel.
In 1994 Walt Disney Pictures released an classic movie called The Lion King. It starred Simba, the heir to the Pride Land throne who just couldn't wai...
With Pokemon being a strong presence since it's beginningsin 1996, it's not...
With the holidays here it's a joyus time of year normally. However with the year of 2020 things have been one event&...
Today on washed up celebrities I am covering a washed up celebrity unlike any other that has come before this. Michael Skupin is currently a convicted...
I recently turned twenty five and I took time to look back at my life as I turn a quarter century old and remember the stuff I did for my birthday gr...