The family adventure film Hook from 1991 was a favorite for many 90’s kids thanks in large part to the great performances of Robin Williams, Dustin Hoffman, Julia Roberts and direction by Steven Spielberg. With a colorful cast of child actors playing the Lost Boys and numerous pirate battles, it would be hard not to like the film. I personally saw it 3 times in theaters and loved it more with each watching. The story of a grown-up Peter Pan returning to Neverland after his children are kidnapped by his old rival, Captain Hook was just too enjoyable for a one and done viewing.

Like most summer movies Hook had quite a bit of marketing behind it, such as comic book ads, video games, trading cards and most importantly, a toy line by Kenner. But this was no ordinary collection of action figures, the toy engineers made some interesting choices in attempting to bring the big screen fun to our hot little hands, so let's explore the 7 Weirdest Hook Movie Action Figures.

Off the bat I should say that none of the Peter Pan figures look like Robin Williams. This is something that bothered me about the 2 (yes, 2) Peter Pan figures I owned as a kid. I think Kenner knew there was no resemblance to the actor (or simply didn't have the likeness rights), so they just started cramming action features in to distract us. That’s how we ended up with these 3 Peter Pan figures below, which are the very meaning of ridiculous.

Food Fighting Peter Pan

You remember the scene where Peter and the Lost Boys chomp at the air pretending to eat their favorite foods, but end up throwing multicolored paste at each other instead? It was your favorite part of the movie, right? So of course you wanted a toy of a guy wearing a poo-colored sweat suit, covered in glop with pots and pans for accessories. At least Kenner sweetened the deal by providing a turkey and pumpkin missile launching bazooka for the guy to wield, but this is the kind of toy kids get beaten up for showing off on the playground.

Learn To Fly Peter Pan

In this case I commend Kenner for taking inspiration directly from the film. But why focus on this 10 second scene of a shirtless middle aged man with a smiley face painted on his chest being launched by a giant sling shot? I can’t see any parent feeling comfortable buying this guy for their child and I question the sanity of the kids that asked for it. Kenner’s package art of Peter’s ripped physique is totally misleading and the head sculpt on this guy looks more like Sylvester Stallone than Mork from Ork. Now that would have been an interesting casting choice. Peter Pan grew up to be Rambo? I’m in!

Battle Swing Peter Pan

This final version of Peter Pan in battle armor mode is a bulky nightmare. Not only does he never wear this outfit (seemingly made of hot dog buns) during the film, but in this alternate reality deleted scene scenario, he obviously stole Thud Butt’s armor, leaving the chubby Lost Boy open to attack. Also, pay attention to his weapons. Kenner has outfitted Peter with some kind of fishbone weed-whacker blade and what I believe to be a baby crocodile bound by ropes. Yes, let’s promote animal cruelty and child endangerment with our toys. At least they gave us chance to even the score with this next figure.

Attack Croc

Yep, it’s the crocodile. What’s that? There was no crocodile in Hook except for a giant stuffed corpse gagged with a clock face? Who cares! Yes, this fearsome creature is a part of the mythology, but generic, plastic crocodile toys are available from the local drug store for far less than $4.99, which really devalues this monster. Attack Croc is really the kind of toy that should have come in a 2-pack with the Smee figure to sweeten the deal. Because nobody ever asked for a Bob Hoskins toy that wasn’t Eddie Valiant or Mario. Smee was to the Hook toy line, what Bob the Goon was to the 1989 Batman movie Toy Biz figures. Now on to our star.

Tall Terror Captain Hook

At first glance this may look like a pretty accurate, nicely detailed Captain Hook action figure. What snarky observation could I possibly come up with to make it worthy of this list? How about extending legs! I don’t know if this was a not-so-subtle swipe at Dustin Hoffman’s diminutive size or inspired by a lost deleted scene, but as action features go this was a confusing cop-out. Yes, the figure is now taller, but why? Oh, luckily they printed it on the box, “He Grows Taller For Battle”. THANK YOU, Kenner, I thought you were just losing your minds. You know with an action feature like that and a major custom sculpt he could make a pretty good Griff Tannen from Back to the Future Part 2.

Skull Armor Captain Hook

This is it folks, the end of the line. This is the official jump the shark (jump the croc?) moment for the Hook toy line. Yes, they decided to give the Captain battle armor. Not only that, he is essentially transforming into his own pirate ship. It’s like the pirate equivalent of football pads with a golden skull and shoulder mounted cannons. Obviously this much hardware would be too much for an “Old Codfish” to carry, but there he stands. On a side note, don’t those cannons look like blue fire hydrants the way they are set in the package?

So that’s it, the 7 Weirdest Hook Movie Action Figures. We never did get a sequel to this movie, that would no doubt have inspired more off the wall toys. I mean, Thud Butt was even given the sword at the end of the film to carry on the legacy, the thing practically writes itself. Well the overactive imaginations of the podcasting crew at SequelQuest couldn’t help but come up with our own ideas for how this film series could continue. So click here to listen to our Hook sequel episode, find us on iTunes or visit the Podcasts section here on Retro-Daze to get in on the continuing adventures in Neverland.

So tell me, were you a fan of Hook? Did you ever own any of these figures? How much play did they get?